Tuesday, April 10, 2007

My Fall

So yesterday morning I came down the stairs holding J (9mos) in my arms. It was pitch-black and I was trying to be quiet so I didnt wake Dh (he sleeps downstairs so he can run really early in the morning, he is training for a marathon). Well C had left his baby dolls on the stairs and I tripped on one and fell about 5 steps. I remember just thinking to lean back so J didnt hit the tile. In doing so I landed in a really funky way. Long story short - I woke up this morning and the bone/joint about an inche below my big toe was bruised, swollen and extremely painful. So I spent a lovely morning at the urgent care. I was xrayed and I am SO thankful its not broken so I dont have to wear a cast. They think its just badly sprained so I have a lovely and very fashionable navy blue, velcro flat-bottommed shoe. But I really dont care how ugly it is because it hurts so much less to walk in it!

Back in January I nearly cut off my finger while cooking (dont clean out your hand-held mixer blade and then turn it on). What is wrong with me!?!?! What is God trying to teach me?

Well a dear friend reminded me what He is trying to teach me and I just dont like it. But I see how its my decision to learn the hard way or the easy way. So whats the big revelation? Humility. My youth pastor's wife when I was in high school told me never to pray for humility. I should have listened ;)

It was extremely humbling to show the Dr. and xray tech my calloused feet in desperate need of some TLC and even more so for them to see the hairy leg attached to it *blush* Guess its been a few days (or maybe a week!) since I shaved.

But more than that, He is showing me that I need help. I dont like to need help (except from dh, as he pointed out LOL). I like to do it all and be super-mom and exhaust myself doing it. But since the end of my pregnancy with Jayna, when I had some chiropractic issues that made it hard to get around, I have found myself in a place where I DO need help from my friends.

Humble pie can be bitter or sweet - it all depends on how we handle it. Right now its bitter, Im mad that I keep getting hurt and falling behind in our home. But I want it to be sweet. I want it to be a sweet time between me and my Jesus. So I will choose to lean on Him and to pray for the grace to handle this humbly, so I can get this lesson over with! :) Although I have a feeling it will be one I learn for a long, long time.


Alli said...

Humility, huh? What a painful way to learn that lesson!

Hope it heals quickly and easily. Wish I were there to help you. Take care of yourself! {{{HUGS}}}

chewymama said...

Ive gone through a lot of pain to learn this lesson unfortunately. Its not pride like I think Im better than everyone else, but pride that keeps me from asking and accepting from help (well, really, from admitting I need help!). I like to have it all together and its hard for me not to ;) Having a third child has made it impossible to do it though, even if I do push myself too hard.

Jenn said...

Oh i know too well your pain...not your physical pain but the pain of learning to ask for help. I haven't learned yet though :) It's a hard thing for us as moms to ask for help because we don't want the other moms to think we are incapable. When will we learn??? If I ever learn I'll let you know what it was I learned :)

Jenn said...

P.S. Feel better soon!

Alli said...

Once, about a month or two after Marc-Adam was born a friend came over to visit. She asked how things were with 3 kids, and I told her it kinda sucked most of the time. She was taken aback by my honesty but really appreciated because she said that we can't help each other or be there for each other if we don't know where the other person truly is. For me, I guess I felt like people would think I didn't love or enjoy my kids if I admitted that it's been HARD and that I needed help.

chewymama said...

My friends are actually happy if my house is a mess when they come over LOL because most of the time if we are having company I bust myself to get it perfectly clean. (Alli, I promise my house is never as perfect as when you guys stayed here!)

It really is such a waste of time and its sin, because its all about worrying what people think. I worry that if my house isnt perfect they will think I cant handle having 3 children or that Im not a good housewife. And I like people to think I am excellent at it. When really I should be focused on what the Lord and my husband think, pray about what should be my top priorities, and do them unto the Lord.

chewymama said...

So I guess I need to keep getting hurt until I let it all go. I still need to be organized and have a clean, tidy home but I need to focus on DOING it instead of APPEARING to do it. I think its getting better....I hope so. Im tired ot getting hurt! ;)

Alli said...

I'm the same way about cleaning up before someone comes and being worried people will think I can't handle the life I've chosen. We need to be focusing on WHY we're doing it (for the glory of God, to have a nice home for our husbands and children, because it's our chosen "career"). Now, when people come over, I tell them they can't judge me, and this is how things are here. If any one ever dares to say something about the state of my home, I'll show them the door or the mop.

Anonymous said...

I am more than willing to help you with your children anytime you would like my assistance. As a single mother of three children, I asked for help often and accepted it willingly. I could never have accomplished much if I hadn't had the wonderful help of friends (like your mom). Isn't that what friendship and sisterhood is all about? I got down on my knees every night and thanked God for sending me such wonderful friends. Please let me know if you ever need my assistance.
Hugs, Donna